Unsuitable to date!

I recently had a long conversation with a friend about this label (although at the time we did not label it as I just did). You read that right: “Unsuitable to date.” It kinda smacks of psychology jargon, which is annoying. Think of the things that make people suitable. Okay. First, rule out anyone who exhibits signs of the “two A’s:” abuse and addiction. Look at the most important things in life - if you want to have children, and if so, how many. Religious beliefs (in some cases that is a big make or break). Political affiliation (if you even care) may play a part in things to a small degree. General lifestyle sensibilities - shared hobbies and activities, etc. The biggest “seal the deal” is incredible physical chemistry, and if you have this and everything else matches up perfectly ... whoa! Things like this should really “go.” They always have. And yet they don't "go" far at all in some cases. They blasted off the ground only to explode, midair, and fragment into tiny pieces, scattered everywhere. I’m sure if you look around you'll find millions of tiny pieces of hearts and dreams, you might even be stepping on mine. 

My dis-qualifiers, in theory, would be distance, not so much physical as emotional and mental. There has got to be something much deeper and greater pulling me toward a person other then the selected list of "qualifications". Most would say I think too much and expect too much. I have even been told "it doesn't exists". Now, before you go feeling sorry for me, let me tell you something: Anything can be found when you least seek it. My point is, the universe already knows what belongs together and what doesn't, so wait. With that being said, if the right person (your "the one") should come into your life, don't question the hows and whys, simply allow it to exist. If you and he/she want to be together no matter how many miles or obstacles are in between, you will. You know what I'm talking about, for example a person comes into your life and then vanishes and just as they vanished they reappear and so on and so on. The universe is making it so you both will at some point in time truly cross paths.

I consider myself a great communicator. I will tell you exactly how I feel and expect nothing less. Anything less makes me uncomfortable. I take what people tell me at face value,and what they don't say too. But I also look for how they use language to gain insight into their personality - semantics. It’s all about subtext. I hone in on phrases like “too far”, "not yet" and “too much time.” I note when practical thinking overrides intuition way too much. Picking up on unspoken cues is important, too (very....important). I see if someone is okay with waiting for a table at the restaurant, if they’re willing to park a mile away from the venue. I look for that endurance of will, that something that causes a person to go out of their way or wait a little while for something they really want. I notice how people react to being told something unpleasant - can they deal? Or do they close down? Convenience. 

A man’s least favorite word might be “compromise,” but mine is “convenience.” My forgettable relationships started out because of convenience and ended when it no longer was. There was a bleak attempt to make it work, but ... meh. It wasn’t the normal relationship arguments that shattered those relationships; it was because we never had that tight “got your back covered” bond to begin with that makes couples endure on both ends. So how did it last as long as it did? Temporal proximity engendered fondness. Habit. A past relationship that lasted way too long, that made me want to try, try, try, was birthed from a childhood need for stability (that's the real reason not the good reason) that I vowed to "make sure" my children would have at the cost of my very soul. Now looking back I see just how it did in fact cost me that and much more, because I was never...appreciated and was never genuinely happy. I was just happy the children were happy. I recall every new year telling myself Whoa... we (me, myself and i) made it though another year with him. I worked so hard to hold it all together just to make sure... the kids had daddy at home, but little did I know they had lost Mommy in the process because I was no longer alive. I was on auto pilot. Simple fact: You appreciate something a lot more if you work for it. So failed relationships build the foundation for the lasting love of your life. This was an important, if awkward, thing to learn. But I know it, and you know it. It's in the second half of my life that I have learned to appreciate the imperfections that make everything perfect. 

If someone is willing to go through hoops just to give me a hug when they sense I need it without a hint from me that would be one of the many ways I would notice their love for me. Or call me multiple times a day when they wish to physically be near me, then that is who I want to spend my time with! That is what makes him a part of my life and important to me. That to me is worth more then the white picked fence and big backyard that I once sold my soul for and have now given up on. This is the real world... so enough there is no time for fairy tales! Nothing is perfect, but is can be perfect in it's own way. Life is not a big fun park. Parents go. Health declines. Jobs are lost. If you are married or at least are blessed enough to have your "the one", one of you will outlive the other, and if you’re the unlucky survivor, you must put the person you loved in the ground. To love like that, you have to know that love will be impractical, inconvenient, and totally unpredictable; that is the very definition of life. (If you can navigate around this, more power to you.) You have to go a lot further than convenience allows, to truly love. You have to be headstrong and strong. 

I’ve reached a couple of conclusions during this foray into the soon forgotten: People want it, but don't dare have it, because they are lazy and cowards. A lot of them set themselves up for FAIL because they have all sorts of unimportant specifications they want their perfect person to meet, a short distance being one of the more irrelevant ones. Yet oddly enough, they will part company with their biggest “deal breakers” for the sake of not being alone. I think that people spend most of their life alone or with the person who doesn’t really “do it” for them and cheating because secretly their hearts long for more. They just won’t get out of the pattern of what "other people" expect from them in their life (ahhh who's life?...yours!). I am out that frame of mind ... Then there’s the most brutal aspect. Everyone has a good reason to be together, and then they have a real reason. As much as we can try to neutralize our instinct to fall in love, it’s in our nature. When you meet the right person (your "the one", you know it, and you can’t help it. You will climb a ladder all the way to the moon to fetch the beloved. But when will you take that chance? What does it take to wake you from the deep sleep of "expectation of others and responsibilities tied to others", that deep sleep with soft background music whispering the shudda, coulda, woulddas...and what ifs...? Quite simply, when we have strength and courage! I could ponder (as I have for about twenty five minutes while writing this): “Geez, what’s the next DO?” Will I be one inch too tall? Maybe my hair will be too light? or they'll find my oh so cute mole ugly?! Will I work in the wrong field? Will I be toO thick?...maybe too thin? What is the minutiae that I would have to eradicate from my life to conform to someone’s ideal? But I know it’s not really about these things, and if someone tells me that my importance to them has any correlation to my physical or proximity to their neighborhood for their convenience, I’m going to do a mental eye roll. It’s about being the 'Right One" for the person who is willing to do the daily labor of accepting my imperfect self and willing to run through hoops to do it without a second thought or hidden agenda. Some might call it uncalculated risk to wait for "Mr.I'mAllYou'veEverWanted", others might say I risk being alone for life, but I am willing to risk it all at "the chance" to have it! I call it blind faith. Some of you might say I'm expecting too much, I say I expect exactly what I am ready and willing to give and nothing more. I still have blind faith; I want love, not convenience. I want him to matter and I want to matter to him. So it will be anything but simple, but if you work for it, you'll cherish it more. I want it to be unlike anything ever... it must be real. Most people can't handle the truth about what is really in their significant others mind, but be it ugly or pretty if you want real...appreciate it for what it is. 

I have matured enough to know the gift I want may not be packaged as i thought, but still in all "it's the gift I want", so come hale, snow, fire or flood I will sacrifice to have it. If there is one person like me, there has to be another. Don’t you think? Well I know there is. Anything else, to me at least... is unsuitable to date! OMG It's almost 2am, forgive me if I had a gibberish episode with multiple type-o's I'm sure! lol night night ;p)