Transformed

I need to be transformed into a new woman. The woman I already am, but have no time for. I realize that Ive allowed too many voices to have authority over the direction of my life. I'd like to try something a little different. I'd like to really spend more time listening to myself and determining what I really want, void out the opinions of others. I spend so much time trying to please people and forgetting myself in the process of being distracted. I have spent so much time trying to please people and forgetting myself in the process of being distracted! I've spent so much time trying to fit everyone's needs into my schedule (which left little or no time for myself). The moment I do make time for myself, I find myself troubleshooting the attitudes of others because I'm not available.

I'm exhausted!!!

I recently had a emotional panic attack. It lasted a few minutes, but even 1 minute was too long (complete with hysteria, tears, snot and thinking that I was going to have a heart attack) because I was consumed with worry about how upset everyone ELSE was going to be because I need to stay goal focused for myself for a little while (at least). I mean God forbid, I'm unavailable at the snap of a finger. Right?! SMH  This episode took me by surprise, although I will say I felt it slowly rising for the past two days then all of a sudden it fell on me like a ton of bricks!

So, Enough's enough! For the next couple of days/weeks/months (whatever feels best) I'm going to focus on ME! When I feel the need to FOCUS, I will shut everything down. Cell phone and Computer OFF. Everything OFF! Prioritizing my life is must. Yet at any point of this flow, If I need to be with Me some more time, I must and I will!

Pray. Go to the Gym. Rest. Plan and action on this divorce, yes... I said divorce! Because it's like a dead body that is tied to me with a umbilical cord that has yet to be cut off! Finalize unfinished projects I started for myself like my book that I've been working on. So far I've finished chapter 1. I’ve got too many things in the works for myself to be distracted any longer. I have to make time for ME or I’ll be no good for anyone, not even myself if I don't do this!

The fact that I know I need to pull away and shut down means I’m already off to a good start. And even though I miss some of my closest friends in this walk, I’m trusting that after all I’ve given, a moment to myself can be respected. If not, then it's been nice knowing you... I’ve got to get myself together. My life and health are all off balance right now. Sometimes we get so distracted wanting someone near us, that we forget to enjoy our self.

I invite the Spirit of peace (Jehovah Shalon) to come into my spirit, heal my heart and clear mind. I need the Spirit of God to gently guide me. I need to go back to what has been the only true meaning of peace I have ever known. I encourage each of you to take a deep breath and moment out for yourself. Being a little selfish (with yourself) is a gift. 


Excuse me, while I take a moment to LIVE MY LIFE.