I will now attempt to write a post in which I discuss something that
makes me feel less than sane without leaving you with the impression
that I am not less than sane. Already on shaky ground, aren't I?
I rarely have really good conversations
with anyone. By "really good" I don't mean smart or funny or whatever. I
mean conversations in which I feel like I am completely immersed and
they are as well.
Amazingly in my lifetime I have shared this type of connection, but with only two people; one has now gone on into a new journey in life, while the other has simply become "distracted". I can't blame them, that's life... right?
immersed...
What do I mean?
I hear everything you're saying; you hear everything I'm saying. No distractions from the second track of thought running along in parallel; the track of doubt that — in addition to pulling my attention away — is populated by what I'm really thinking, including all the things I want to say but won't or want to ask but won't. And no distractions from wondering what's playing on your second track (the back of your mind).
I don't have those conversations. Anymore.
I don't hear everything that's being said because I can't hear over this loud silence that has slowly been surrounding me. And because I don't have anyone's undivided attention, I don't say everything I want to say. Ever.
Why should I?... No one is truly listening. Why bother pouring out my most inner thoughts and feelings into the "air". This has slowly become my reality, And it's making me lonely.
It makes me question if it is I that have become less interesting, or others that have become blind to all I truly have to offer.
Either way, It sucks!
Amazingly in my lifetime I have shared this type of connection, but with only two people; one has now gone on into a new journey in life, while the other has simply become "distracted". I can't blame them, that's life... right?
immersed...
What do I mean?
I hear everything you're saying; you hear everything I'm saying. No distractions from the second track of thought running along in parallel; the track of doubt that — in addition to pulling my attention away — is populated by what I'm really thinking, including all the things I want to say but won't or want to ask but won't. And no distractions from wondering what's playing on your second track (the back of your mind).
I don't have those conversations. Anymore.
I don't hear everything that's being said because I can't hear over this loud silence that has slowly been surrounding me. And because I don't have anyone's undivided attention, I don't say everything I want to say. Ever.
Why should I?... No one is truly listening. Why bother pouring out my most inner thoughts and feelings into the "air". This has slowly become my reality, And it's making me lonely.
It makes me question if it is I that have become less interesting, or others that have become blind to all I truly have to offer.
Either way, It sucks!
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